“The closet implies a literal, physical boundary dividing one’s life before publicly declaring queerness, and after. It’s a threshold impossible to recross, two distinct places to live: in the darkness, or in the light of one’s self-truth. It doesn’t promise stepping into the light will be easy, but it does imply a fundamentally altered human experience… In hindsight, I was totally incorrect in thinking the only options at this time were ‘in or out of the closet.’ I didn’t know if I was gay or bi or pan or queer or what. I shouldn’t have had to declare anything conclusively.” - Grace Perry, author of The 2000s Made Me Gay: Essays on Pop Culture
National Coming Out Day is observed on October 11th each year, founded in 1988 to commemorate the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights held on October 11, 1987. The concept of “Coming Out” has evolved over the years, especially as the Queer Community has gained social acceptance. Many people believe we should do away with the concept of coming out, as straight/cis people don’t have a social equivalent*. But there are still barriers to living authentically, and perhaps that’s why coming out is still important.
To understand why we need to “Come Out” at all, lets first take a look at the concept of heteronormativity. Heteronormativity is the assumption that everyone is straight and/or cis unless stated otherwise. It treats being straight and/or cis as the default. Not only does this erase queer people, it also reinforces stereotypes. So, the question becomes: does “Coming Out” fight heteronormativity, or does “Coming Out” perpetuate heteronormativity?
It seems obvious that Coming Out challenges the assumption that everyone is straight and/or cis. A person verbally stating “that assumption is incorrect, because I am here” is a good way to combat heteronormativity! But the other side to that coin is that by Coming Out someone can be upholding the idea that a sexuality other than heterosexuality is an anomaly that needs to be explained. This can further the “us vs them” divide that heteronormativity relies on. It also puts the onus on queer people to constantly be Coming Out to battle these assumptions, and to make an example of themselves while leaving the root of heteronormativity unaddressed.
Coming Out can also perpetuate a belief that there is a “before” and “after” state of being queer. A heteronormative misinterpretation of Coming Out is that a person was straight before they were gay, or cis before they were trans. The reality is that a queer person has been queer their whole life, but because of the pervasiveness of heteronormative assumptions surrounding us in society most queer people have needed a period of exploration and questioning to “discover” their identities and/or labels. Coming Out can signal that a queer person is in an “after” state, rather than simply in their natural state.
This article is not meant to discourage anyone from Coming Out in any way. There are tons of resources to help you with this decision, including this guide from the Human Rights Campaign. Coming Out, formally or informally, can be great for your mental health. But it’s not the actual act of Coming Out that’s important – what’s important is the decision to live authentically and to be yourself.