Introducing Our New Sexual Health Educator - Me!

Written By Mike Doughty

September is National Sexual Health Month and what better time to discuss sexual health and introduce myself as the new Sexual Health Educator as well as give some information on the importance of sexual health!

Hey there! I am Wendy Ramsay, I use she or they pronouns, and I am super excited to be the new Sexual Health Educator at the Cortland LGBTQ+ Center! 

While I have a degree in teaching math, a vast majority of my work has been related to youth, healthy relationships, sexual health and harm reduction. When I was student teaching I saw the need for young people to have safe approachable adults to talk about taboo subjects and decisions they are making as they transition into adulthood. 

After college, I became an Americorps member and prevention educator at an agency called the Center for Youth Services in Rochester, NY. The Center for Youth Services was an agency that was originally started by a group of teens in the 1970s to meet the needs of youth in the Rochester area. The philosophy of the agency was and still is that young people, given information and support, could make their own positive life choices. Their services are informed by youth, for youth. My experience there clarified many of my core values with working with kiddos and young adults. 

I strive to be approachable and create safe and brave spaces for people to learn. I love collaborating and learning. In my spare time, I play clarinet, accordion, and flute in a band that plays creative arrangements of songs played by the Grateful Dead (Dead to the Core) and in another band (Starting Off Red) that plays trip-hop influenced alternative rock originals. I also love hiking in the woods with my partner Jeff and our dog Ezma!

Yes, I am queer. Maybe you weren’t going to ask, but I thought I would let you know. I tend to use the terms pan, omni, and demi to describe myself. For me that means I can be attracted to anyone that I get to know and a mutual attraction grows. Some people may be more comfortable or familiar with the term bisexual. Some people define that term differently for a variety of reasons. Hmm… maybe we can do a future newsletter article focusing on multigender attraction.

I have heard about the great work Regina Cuddeback has done and I have even attended some of legendary Mary Dykeman’s programs, so I know I have big shoes to fill — That’s quite a legacy! 

What is Sexual Health? Let’s Talk About It!

OK. Enough about me! Let’s talk about sexual health!

Sexual health is much more than what most people think it is. We get messages related to sexuality and sexual health from the day we are born. These messages influence so many decisions we make that have an impact on our health, and yet we can’t seem to get comfortable having conversations about it. Part of my job is to create a space where people can learn and get questions answered without fear of judgement or shame. I can also potentially connect people to resources or services they need. 

While it might feel uncomfortable talking about topics related to sexual health, it is so important. 

So let’s talk about it or more accurately let’s talk about how we can get more comfortable talking about it!

Sexual health is an important component of our overall health, so it’s important that we grow to be more comfortable talking about sexual health topics with our partners, family members, health care providers, and others about sexual health. For example, if someone has a sexually transmitted infection and doesn’t get it treated, it can potentially lead to getting other sexually transmitted infections, HIV, chronic pain, infertility, certain types of cancer, or even (rarely) death. Fortunately there are many ways to prevent that from happening, but all of them involve talking at some point. 

Here are some ways people can start becoming more comfortable talking about sexual health and creating a culture where other people do too! 

  • Call it what it is from day one (or as soon as possible)
    Start getting used to calling body parts that are associated with sexuality their actual names. Let your kiddos know the real words too. While a vagina, vulva, or penis by any other name is still a vagina, vulva or penis, just calling it a silly nickname sends the message that it is something shameful. If that seems like too big a step for you, bridge the gap by combining the silly word with the real word at times when you want to be serious. It’s still important to know the real terms.

  • Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
    It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. Most important conversations or topics can be uncomfortable. You can use your discomfort as a conversation starter. You can say something like, “You may notice that I am a little (or even a lot) uncomfortable talking about this subject. It’s really important that we can work through our discomfort to talk about important subjects with each other. I may not always know the answers, but we can learn together.”

  • Be real — Don’t just focus on or exaggerate risks
    Scare tactics create shame and just make it so people don’t get the information and the care they may need. Showing people pictures of extreme symptoms of sexually transmitted infections not only doesn’t work to significantly delay sexual activity, it also makes it so that when someone does have typical symptoms, they think they are OK and don’t see a doctor. 

    Also remember, sexual health is more than just physical body parts, sexual behavior, and preventing infections. It includes being comfortable and embracing your body and who you are; puberty and hygiene; building healthy relationships; knowing your own values and desires; clarifying your boundaries and respecting others; understanding and respecting consent among many other topics. When we include talking about and practicing skills related to healthy relationships, people tend to have better physical sexual health. 

I can help you — You can help me! See how that works?
If you have questions about a sexual health topic, want to suggest a topic for a future newsletter, want to be connected to sexual health services, or want a free interactive educational workshop for your group, please contact me at wramsay@familycs.org (note my last name ends with Ay). You can also call the Cortland LGBTQ Center and leave a message for me with your contact info. I will be sure to call you back!

If you know of places where you think people need or want to learn about topics related to puberty, healthy relationships, sexual health, LGBTQ+ or talking to their kids about these subjects, I would love it if you connected us. Again, my email is wramsay@familycs.org (note my last name ends with Ay). Thanks!

Mike Doughty
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