This will be my final newsletter article for the Cortland LGBTQ Center. I am moving out of state in a few days and wanted to take this time to say thank you and goodbye to the community I have met and worked with over the last three and a half years. I came into this position with no real background in the non-profit sector and just wanted to find ways to help the Cortland LGBTQ+ folks in the community have a safe space to be themselves. I have met amazing professionals, learned about the wonderful resources in the area, and met some amazing queer performers and allies.

With resolutions in the air, one trend is that most people choose a single word to guide their year, such as intentional, brave, or growth. This year, I choose ME!

As we step into a new year, we’re often invited to choose a word to guide us for the year.

These are often popular words I hear from clients, friends, and family:

Intentional

Brave

Grounded

Growth

I’ve never been someone who welcomes change with open arms, at least not at first. For me, the discomfort often comes from fear, anxiety, and that looming sense of not knowing what comes next. I’d love to say I’m not a creature of habit, but the truth is I can get very comfortable with the status quo. There’s a particular safety in routine… until something disrupts it.

It’s like a familiar pattern I lived through over and over when my son was growing up: we’d finally settle into a rhythm, feel like we understood this age, this phase, this version of him, and just when we felt grounded, something would change again. Suddenly, we were back to navigating new challenges, new circumstances, new unknowns. And that’s life!

One thing I hear a lot from folks when they stop by the Center or at any of the trainings we offer (email us if you want to schedule one!) is that there are a lot of terms, and it can be confusing to keep up and learn everything. Which is true there are a lot more terms now than when I first came out and sometimes definitions can change over time to be more specific or more inclusive. This newsletter is going to go over some terms that might not come up in day-to-day conversation but can be used to expand your inclusive vocabulary and be aware of what people are talking about if they are describing their own experience. Most of these terms will be focused on trans and polyamorous terms, and if someone uses one it is always best practice to mirror their language. If you are unsure if you can or should mirror language, ASK if it is appropriate for you to do so!

Being an ally is a concept many people are familiar with—or even claim to embody—and it plays a crucial role in the growth and support of communities. Minority communities, such as those of LGBTQ+ individuals, people with disabilities, and communities of color, rely on allies to help amplify their voices and protect their interests. Allies can support these communities by speaking up in spaces where their perspectives may be underrepresented or by acting as advocates and safeguards for their safety and well-being. But what does allyship actually look like in practice? What does it mean when someone identifies as an ally? Allyship exists on a spectrum, with different levels and approaches depending on the situation, as well as a person’s comfort, privilege, and capacity to act.

For the last month and a half, I’ve been experiencing a constant barrage of work-related issues, what I'd call 'hot messes', on almost a daily basis, unlike anything I’ve ever faced in the past. The run-up to the start of the school year is always peppered with a few challenges here and there, but this year was different. The pace was relentless, and the complexity of the issues was daunting.

And yet, through it all, I’ve been surrounded by colleagues whose professionalism, patience, and kindness carried me forward. My support team has played a crucial role in helping me navigate most of these challenges. Without them, I can honestly say the load would have felt unmanageable.

This has reminded me of something important: even when life feels overwhelming, having a strong support system makes all the difference.

I have touched on coming out a few times before and this time I am going to talk about a few things that are common to expect after you come out or if someone comes out to you. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and an individual’s situations will have nuance. If you are someone who is coming out or has recently come out, hopefully this can be a way to see your own story reflected back to show you are not alone. For the allies reading this, remember to lead with curiosity and compassion, but don’t push for information you don’t need to know; people are allowed their privacy around their lives and identities.

It is important to take breaks and rest. We live in a very go-go-go, never stop culture and burnout is a common occurrence. It’s very easy to fall into that mindset that you are only productive if you are actively doing something and creating, but that often leads to increased stress and unrealistic expectations. Many different things can also push you towards this stress, and they may be things you have to engage with – taking care of family, doing schoolwork, doing your job requirements, being in a leadership position for a group – but there are still ways to manage your workload and find ways to take the rest you need.

Pride season is winding down, but Pride and allyship are year-round! While Cortland Pride this year, for the first time, had no protesters, that does not mean that anti-LGBTQ messaging has stopped. Now you may not see or hear openly hateful messages online or in your personal life, but those people are still out there, and I was recently reminded of a very helpful tactic on seeing who those people are and being able to block them (if it’s an online space), assess your social circles (if in person), or at the very least be aware of who might be raising some red flags (in either your personal or professional life).

This year will be the third annual Cortland Community Pride Festival! We are extremely excited to bring this event back! The festival will be on Saturday July 19^th, from 10am to 2pm at Courthouse Park in Cortland. We will have over 60 agencies and vendors, a raffle giveaway, a pride costume contest, and our family friendly drag show! Our Pride Emcee, Jo Boring, will also be back this year to help run the music, help with the event, and have a good time. We also have a group of sponsors that gave over $5500 to help fund the event this year! We are extremely thankful to all of our sponsors and partners that are helping with the event. You can find the full list of sponsors on the flyer for the event and on the Center’s website.