Anti-Trans Celebrities
Q: My daughter told me that one of her favorite authors posted an anti-transgender article online. My daughter is part of the LGBTQ community, and she seems really affected by what the author said. I’m trying to help my kid feel better, but since I’m not part of the LGBTQ community myself, she says I don’t get how much it hurts. How can I better support her?
A: This is a great question. You’re probably right; your daughter is likely very affected by what she read. Learning that someone she looked up to has anti-transgender views can be very painful. It sounds like you’re taking her concerns seriously, and I commend you for that. Not every adult validates the feelings of children or teens. That said, it can be hard as a cisgender straight person to fully understand the hurt and fear that comes when a public figure shares hateful messages about the LGBTQ community.
Part of what makes it hurtful, is that anti-LGBTQ messages aren’t just “mean.” They have dangerous, real-world consequences. In many cases, anti-LGBTQ sentiments go beyond basic “name-calling” and can lead to physical violence or push forward legislation that hurts the community. In this case, the author used a public platform to target and hurt an already vulnerable community, which feels especially damaging during LGBTQ Pride Month.
Thankfully, there are some tangible things you can do to support your daughter. It sounds like you’re already doing the first step: letting your child share how this is impacting her. It’s important to withhold judgement and avoid downplaying the hurt she’s feeling. Let her know that her feelings are valid. It’s normal to feel hurt by such things. It’s normal to feel betrayed or angry.
After validating her feelings, you can educate yourself about why those anti-transgender remarks are incorrect. This can help you provide your daughter with the tools to refute these claims if her peers repeat them. You can also ask your daughter if she’d like to do something to help make the world a little safer for transgender people. Depending on your resources, you could consider donating to a cause that supports trans youth (such as The Trevor Project). If your budget is tight, you could call your elected officials, asking them to support LGBTQ people. Depending on your daughter’s age and interest level, you could work together to research the folks up for election and find out which ones have the best track record of supporting LGBTQ people.
Regardless of which path you choose, owning that you may not understand completely but that you still love and support your daughter and her community, can go a long way. You can also connect her with the Cortland LGBTQ Center if she wants to talk with folks in her community. Stay well, and happy Pride!