Body Appreciation and Internalized Anti-Fat Behaviors
Mike Doughty, April ‘23 Newsletter
Spring is here! It may still be a little snowy and chilly as we start April, but we all know that warmer weather is coming soon, and with that is also the desire to get that “beach-ready body.” This is the time of year when many people think it’s appropriate to comment on others’ bodies, and many people struggle with internalized anti-fat behaviors as a result of societal pressures, media, family, and even strangers. I do want to be clear that this topic has a lot of different layers that can coincide with cultural issues, health and medical issues, sexual issues, and disability issues – and this is by no means an exhaustive list, but a way to start the conversation that can hopefully lead to larger change.
If you struggle with anti-fatness (internalized or from others):
First, I want to say before anything else that if you want to lose weight, great! Just make sure you are doing it for yourself and not for a fad, or for a person’s attention. Your body is for you, it doesn’t belong to anyone else. If you struggle with your body image, it may be worth considering clinical help for body dysmorphia and related issues, but one thing that never hurts is to let yourself be kind to yourself. Focus on the parts of you that you do enjoy and compliment yourself, even if it feels small or silly at first. If you don’t have a kind relationship with your body, you can instead aim to reach a point of body neutrality. Try to distance yourself from your body and think of it in a more functional way; what does it do well? What does it not do well? What does that mean for how you use your body in the world? This may take a lot of time, but eventually, it can start to turn your own self-image around, and maybe at that point you still want to work out or lose weight. Great! Maybe now though, it’s because you feel good after a workout, or you want to see what you look like with more muscle, or you just really enjoy going for runs.
Another thing to try is to be mindful of is what media you watch and who you follow online. Is your Twitter or Instagram full of people who look like models? Are you comparing yourself to them (even though - as I have said before - many of them have full teams of people to help them look the way they look, as well as using digital touch-up programs on their photos)? Removing those people can help your mind reset and not feel that pressure to compare yourself to a body that isn’t realistic (and may not even be real at all). For anyone who feels pressure to have sculpted six-pack abs, the abs you see on actors and models are usually a result of a very specific diet, workout program, and a lot of dehydration.
The last thing I want to mention is to become aware of your relationship with food. Eating disorders or negative relationships with food can sneak up on anyone, and it can be very easy to overlook. If you have concerns about eating disorders, the first recommendation is to talk with your doctor and a mental health professional. Beyond that, take a minute to look at what you are actually eating – and I don’t mean counting calories. It could be beneficial to reflect on what you eat and ask yourself: What foods make me feel bad afterward? What foods make me feel good? Are there snacks that help me feel fuller longer, or give me a little bit of mid-day energy? Knowing how certain foods interact with your body can work wonders on your relationship with your body. If you have a craving for something, and it won’t harm you to eat, just let yourself have that treat! You’ll feel better and avoid developing a negative relationship with food.
If you find that you feel the urge to comment on people’s bodies:
I also want to try and push back against the urge to comment on other people’s bodies. Our culture has normalized commenting on other people’s bodies. That’s not good. Try to be aware of that impulse, and ask yourself: “Why am I commenting on this person’s body?” or “Why do I feel that they need to look a certain way?” If you see someone and notice that something is off about their outfit, like maybe toilet paper is stuck to their shoe, or lipstick is on their teeth, or their shoe is untied, here are some ways to address those situations.
Politely pull them aside and tell them something along the lines of “Just wanted to let you know that [insert wardrobe malfunction here].” If it is a choice they are making, then great! If not, they can take a minute to fix themselves. If you feel the need to comment on some part of a person that they cannot adjust or fix within two minutes then do not comment on it.
Now when I say “adjust or fix,” I want to make something very clear. I am not talking about fixing someone’s weight or body type. While it still has a lot of negative social connotations, fat is not a bad thing. Some people may not identify or enjoy the word and may instead want to be called “large-bodied”, or “thick”, but being fat is not bad. You do not know if that person has struggled with weight loss or dieting, or if they have a medical condition that affects their weight, or maybe they just enjoy their body no matter what size they are.
There are also benign ways we comment on people’s bodies or appearances. Family members especially, but occasionally strangers, may comment on someone being “a handsome man” or a “beautiful lady” and while these usually come from a good place, they can be upsetting to many people. For trans and gender nonconforming people, it can be extremely upsetting to hear a gendered term targeted at them, regardless of intent. One way to avoid this is to work on the language you use and how you use it: save gendered terms like “man, lady, boy, girl” for people who you know are comfortable with those words. If you aren’t sure, don't use them. Alternatively, if you have the kind of relationship with a person that allows it, ask them what words they want to be used when referring to them. Another tip is, instead of talking about a person in terms of handsome, cute, or beautiful, try being specific with short, quick compliments. “I like your hair”, “I like your nails”, “I love your shoes”, “That bag is amazing”, are some examples of quick compliments that don’t have any gender connotations. Try to stick to using “I” statements like my examples above, or saying things that aren’t visual or based on beauty— like the example above with the bag, or complimenting someone with “I love that your dress has pockets”.
Like I said at the beginning, this is by no means the full story when it comes to issues around anti-fat behaviors and body issues, but if you took the time to read this, I hope you keep this in mind and think of it as the start of a larger conversation. If you have a body then it is ready for the beach, the only thing you need is some sunscreen. So enjoy the warmer days coming, and be kind to yourself, your body, and to others.