Self-Care and Relaxing
Mike Doughty, May ‘23 Newsletter
I’ve talked before about ways to take care of yourself, including setting healthy boundaries or checking your anti-fat bias, and this month I’m going to continue that by talking about some self-care tips. Now, this is not me telling you how to do self-care or what does or does not qualify, but there are some things to take into consideration before you spend your hard-earned money.
So let’s start with: What is self-care? It’s taking actions to preserve or improve one’s own health, especially when stress is involved. Now I do want to just highlight that this definition is focusing on one’s own health, so keep in mind what works for you may actually stress other people out more. Self-care is important because it gives people a chance to unplug and just relax and also let go of stress. Long-term stress has been tied to increasing the risk of certain health conditions, so if nothing else self-care is a practical way to take care of your health.
When people think self-care, they think spa days, massages, skincare, or even eating that special meal that you only have once in a blue moon. All of these are great ways to relax, but I want you to think about what is going on around those special events. If you are stressed at work and you have a massage for 4pm on a Thursday and you have a big project that is due on Friday, it can take a lot of work to mentally let go of that stress since it is not finished yet. If that is true for you, do you think the massage is the best thing to do in that moment or should it be moved to maybe Friday night or Saturday? Doing something in the name of self-care really only works if you are able to relax, both physically and mentally. If you are able to put that stress away on a Thursday and then come back to it with a fresh mind, then keep that massage! If you can’t let the stress go until a task is finished, it might be better to wait on the expensive self-care and instead do smaller little things that won’t hurt your wallet.
Now, that is a good basic example of what self-care can look like and how to increase its effectiveness, but self-care can look a lot different for people in minority groups. In today’s current political climate where minority groups, especially people of color and LGBTQ people, are being targeted, self-care is an act of preservation or even resistance. To face oppression in any capacity is an exhausting condition to live with, and even while advocating for change or marching in protests, the ability to still take the time and energy to focus on the self and make space to rest is important. This can even be allies stepping in and allowing the communities they are supporting to take time — to show up and say “I have this for now, go rest, and recover”.
Self-care is now a multi-billion dollar industry and brands want to sell you things to make you feel better, but that can cost a lot of money very quickly, so what are some ways to do self-care that have minimal cost but potentially a lot of impact? This will depend on the person, but it could include a nice walk or a drive taking a relaxing bath or shower, or having a nice cup of tea. Anything that is small-scale and feels both good and relaxing and chips away at some of the stress you are feeling could be self-care in an accessible, cost-effective way. For some people baking or cooking can be incredibly relaxing, or doing a craft like knitting or crochet, while for others going to the gym or a run can achieve the same effect. These little moments that you maybe already do every day can add up to have just as much of an impact as the things that are being marketed to you.
I have mentioned the cost of self-care a few times now, and that is because it is expensive to take care of yourself the way the self-care industry wants you to do. Even non-branded activities like going to a spa or massage can run $70 or more for just one visit, not to mention the cost of medical care like therapy. For people that have disposable income, there is more flexibility on what they have access to, but for many people, a spa day is a rarity — if it ever happens. Minority groups are also systemically less likely to have disposable income, so for those of you that perhaps need to save for a few months or more to get a nice day away, I wanted to make sure you took the time to think about not only how you relax and self-care but when is best for you to do so.
So take care of yourself the best way that works for you, and do what you can to get the best results from that self-care. Everyone deserves to have time to relax, unwind and relieve some stress. Also, remember that we don’t live in a vacuum! Ask for help if you can, allies step up to give support, and do things that make you feel good.