When Change Feels Scary And Why That’s Exactly Where Empowerment Begins
(This article is written by Center Advisory Council member Garry Haraveth)
I’ve never been someone who welcomes change with open arms, at least not at first. For me, the discomfort often comes from fear, anxiety, and that looming sense of not knowing what comes next. I’d love to say I’m not a creature of habit, but the truth is I can get very comfortable with the status quo. There’s a particular safety in routine… until something disrupts it.
It’s like a familiar pattern I lived through over and over when my son was growing up: we’d finally settle into a rhythm, feel like we understood this age, this phase, this version of him, and just when we felt grounded, something would change again. Suddenly, we were back to navigating new challenges, new circumstances, new unknowns. And that’s life!
But here’s what I eventually realized: I handled every single phase. Not perfectly. Not effortlessly. But I survived. I adapted. I grew.
And that’s the part we often forget, especially when the fear of change feels louder than our confidence. We forget how many times we’ve already proven to ourselves that we can rise, respond, and evolve.
The Hidden Side of Change: It’s Not Just Disruption, It’s Discovery
Change is inconvenient. It pulls us out of routines, out of patterns, out of the predictable cycles that help us feel grounded.
But change is also where empowerment lives.
Change forces us to pay attention.
Change asks us to listen inward.
Change reveals the parts of ourselves that routine tends to quiet.
For LGBTQ+ people especially, change can bring up complicated emotions. Many of us have experienced change that wasn’t chosen, shifts in relationships, community dynamics, safety, political climates, family responses, and identity development. So, of course, change can feel charged.
But there’s a powerful truth on the other side:
Every time we’ve had to adjust, we’ve learned something about who we are and what we’re capable of.
That is the essence of empowerment, not the absence of fear, but moving with fear and discovering strength along the way.
Why We Resist Change (Even When We Want It)
It’s not a weakness.
It’s not failure.
It’s not a sign you’re “behind.”
It’s biology.
Humans are wired to prefer predictability because it feels safer. Our brains love routines because they save energy. And when you add layers like past rejection, trauma, or marginalization, very real experiences in the LGBTQ+ community, the instinct to cling to what feels familiar becomes even stronger.
So, if change is hard for you?
There is nothing wrong with you.
It simply means you’re human and you’re paying attention.
Reframing Change: From Threat to Invitation
Change doesn't mean you’re losing control.
Change means you’re being invited back into your power.
Here’s a simple shift:
Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?”
Try asking, “What might this be opening up for me?”
Because change often reveals what we’ve outgrown.
What’s no longer aligned.
What no longer reflects who we’re becoming.
And when we stop treating change like an enemy, we start seeing it for what it really is:
An opportunity to evolve into a more authentic version of ourselves.
A moment to reconnect with our core values.
A chance to reclaim our voice, our choices, and our path.
A Micro-Courage Practice: Your First Step Into Empowered Change
You don’t have to overhaul your life.
You don’t have to embrace every unexpected shift with grace.
You don’t even have to like change.
But you can practice meeting it with a bit of courage at a time, what I call micro-courage.
Here’s a simple exercise you can try this week:
Micro-Courage Prompt
Think of one recent change (big or small) that disrupted your routine.
Then ask yourself three questions:
What did I fear would happen?
What actually happened?
What does this show me about who I am becoming?
This reflection helps your brain recognize your capacity, your resilience, and your adaptability, all of which strengthen your sense of empowerment.
My Final Thoughts
Your Inner Truth: You’ve Done This Before & You Can Do It Again!
You have already lived through change.
You have already adapted.
You have already grown in ways you once thought were impossible.
Empowerment isn’t found in the moments when everything is stable.
Empowerment is built in the moments when life disrupts your neatly organized plans and you rise anyway.
Change may challenge you.
But it will also reveal you.
And what it reveals is worth getting to know.
Garry Haraveth serves on the Cortland LGBTQ Center Advisory Council. He is an educator, activist, and empowerment life coach (certified), and the founder of Gay Life Journey (gaylifejourney.com).