Gender vs Sexuality

Q: I’m having a hard time remembering the difference between a transgender guy and a transgender girl. Do you have any tricks for remembering what each term means? Also, who do transgender people date? Are they all gay? I’m not sure how that works.

A: I get questions like these often, so I’m glad you asked! Before we define those terms, I want to go over two others. The first is “biological sex.” When a baby is born, doctors assign a biological sex based on the infant’s visible anatomy and check a box indicating whether the baby is male or female. The second term we need to know is “gender identity,” which refers to a person’s internal sense of their gender. This is your inner feeling of “I’m a man” or “I’m a woman.” For some people, neither of those options fit, so they might have gender identities like non-binary or genderqueer. 

Now, on to your initial question. A transgender man is someone who was assigned female at birth but identifies as a man. In other words, when this person was born, the doctor said, “she’s a girl!” However, as this person grew up, he realized he was actually a man. For transgender women, it’s the opposite. A trans woman is someone who was assigned male at birth (the doctor said, “he’s a boy!”) but as she grew up, realized she was actually a woman. 

Many cisgender people (people whose biological sex matches their gender identity) have a hard time remembering the difference between a trans man and a trans woman. They struggle with whether a trans man means someone who was assigned male at birth (biological sex) or someone who is transitioning to being a man (gender identity). 

Here’s my best tip for remembering: the gendered term (man/woman) should always match the person’s gender identity. With this in mind, it’s easier to remember that a trans man is someone who identifies as a man and a trans woman is someone who identifies as a woman. It can also be helpful to know that you don’t need to include “trans” in most situations. If you know a trans person, you don’t need to say they’re a “trans man,” you can just call them a man.

As for who trans people date, it depends on the person. Gender identity and sexual orientation are separate, so people of any gender can have any sexual orientation. A trans man may be gay (attracted to other men), straight (attracted to women), bisexual (attracted to more than one gender), or any other orientation. 

I hope this helps!