New Year Check-Ins
Mike Doughty, January ‘23 Newsletter
So with the New Year, many people will start to think about resolutions or goals for what they want to do in the next 365 days. While these can be beneficial to some, a lot of people drop the resolutions because they lack clear-cut goals or checkpoints to mark their progress along the way. I propose instead that everyone do a mental and emotional check-in with themselves to think of ways they might need to make some changes or to acknowledge the things that are beneficial to them and might not have noticed. The following lists have a few starter questions that will then branch further into that topic with further things to think about and be aware of when checking in with yourself.
Think about your personal relationships.
Do those relationships feel good to you?
Have you shown your gratitude to that person(s) recently or told them what they mean to you?
Do they benefit or serve you in a healthy way?
If not, are you in a position of safety and security to either set new boundaries with them (maybe see them less often or during specific events) or to work on removing them from your life?
If you do cut someone out of your life and are upset about it, remember it does not have to be forever. If they make the effort to grow and change it COULD be worth reassessing at that time.
Do these relationships cause you stress?
Do you have the means to cope with that stress if it’s a relationship you can’t change?
Are those coping mechanisms healthy for you and not damaging you in other ways?
If you do not have healthy coping mechanisms that work for you, consider tip #2.
Think about your relationship with your job and coworkers.
If you are out, do you feel safe in your workplace?
Do you know the policies and laws in place to protect you, and who to go to if needed?
If not, are you in a position to make change happen internally? Or, are you able to look into other jobs that offer a safer environment?
If you are not out publically…
Do you have people at work that you can talk to or would have your back if needed?
If safety is NOT an issue, are you considering coming out at work and what that may look like?
If you do decide to come out at work, go at the pace that works best for you. It may be a big announcement, small interactions, or only telling specific people.
If you are not LGBTQ…
Are you aware of your privilege and how you can you use that to help others in your life?
Can you do any internal work to check your bias and, at a minimum, be aware of why you may feel the way you feel about certain topics?
Once you are aware of what biases you might have, do you know of resources that you can use to try and expand your horizons?
If you are using those resources, remember to be kind to yourself. You may still sometimes get something wrong, but the important thing is to be open to correction and continue to grow.
Think about your relationship with yourself.
Do you have a support network of friends, family, and/or coworkers?
Are they healthy relationships for you?
If not, consider the questions above and look into ways to better connect with yourself on a personal level. This can be journaling, finding a new hobby to express yourself, and considering therapy if you can afford to do so.
Be aware that a coping mechanism that can work for you right now might not work for a different problem, and some coping mechanisms can become a danger for your overall health.
If your mental health is struggling sometimes…
Remember to use the support networks you have.
If you don’t have one, and especially if you are having a difficult time for ANY reason, look into getting professional help.
Take some time to remind yourself that maybe your mind isn’t kind to you when you are thinking about certain topics.
If so, can you cut out those topics from your routine? (e.g., not looking at the mirror until after you have gotten ready for the day, or only looking at certain parts of yourself in the mirror), or adjust the thoughts in ways don’t harm your mental health?
Find the things that make you feel better, such as playing with your pet, talking with friends, having comfort food, or working out.
If you struggle with body image, it might be beneficial to remember that everyone’s body is different. What seems to work for one person won’t necessarily work for you.
Also, remember that social media often doesn’t reflect reality. Most Instagram models and celebrities utilize Photoshop and alter their images to fit a beauty standard.
Anything that sounds too good to be true is exactly that.
If you do decide to start habits, e.g. a workout routine, to work towards a body that will make YOU happy, make sure you’re using healthy ways to do that.
Anything beyond 1-2lbs of weight loss per week is typically considered dangerous
Do research into the brands you buy and who is endorsing them. It’s common that influencers and celebrities are NOT using the products they are trying to sell to you.
Like I said at the top, feel free to use these as a starting point and expand on them. The goal is that you take the time to figure out what is working for you and what is not. For the things that work for you, take the time to celebrate that! For the things that aren’t working for you, there are ways to either change them so they are, or change them so they at least cause less stress in your life. This is also a very short list, as I could write pages and pages of things I’ve experienced or my loved ones have experienced, but the logic can apply just the same. I hope those of you that use this find it a bit more useful than a normal New Year’s Resolution.