Pronouns
Mike Doughty, July ‘22 Newsletter
Everyone uses pronouns all the time — I, you , we, this, she.
For English speakers, the common pronouns for talking about someone else are He/Him/His, She/Her/Hers, and They/Them/Theirs. Because He/Him and She/Her are gendered, many transgender and nonbinary people use They/Them as the pronoun set that feels the best for them.
Though it’s commonly thought of as a “plural” pronoun, singular They has been used in the English language since the late 1300’s by authors such as C.S. Lewis, Virginia Woolf, and Shakespeare. You may even naturally use it in conversation without realizing!
Some LGBTQ+ folx also use neo-pronouns, which are non-gendered pronouns to use instead of they/them. These include ze/hir/hirs or xe/xem/xyrs. If you meet someone who uses neo-pronouns, feel free to ask for clarification on how to pronounce and use them if you aren’t sure.
Others use multiple pronouns, such as myself. I am a demiboy, meaning I don’t fully identify as male/a boy/guy, but also partially identify as agender. I personally use “he” and “they” pronouns interchangeably, and don’t have a preferred pronoun. Some people may use multiple pronouns but prefer to use one over the other depending on the situation, their expression at the time, or to allow people to feel comfortable using pronouns more familiar to them.
If you aren’t sure of someone’s pronouns, there are a few polite ways to find out.
Introduce yourself with your pronouns, or have a name tag with your pronouns on it to show that you are open to talking about pronouns.
Politely ask what their pronouns are. Try to stray away from using the term “preferred pronouns” unless they say they use multiple. “Preferred” implies that using someone’s correct pronouns is optional.
Listen for context clues if you see someone talking with friends or people they seem comfortable around. Still unsure? Refer to step 2!
One final note about pronouns — they relate to gender expression rather than identity. Some trans people use gendered pronouns even if they do not identify as a binary gender. For instance, don’t assume that someone using he/him pronouns identifies as a boy or man.
Gender exploration is a journey and for some people there is constant change, for some a direct path, and others may want to mix and match to do what feels best for them. Remember that being an ally is not something you are, it’s something you do!